Westchester Funeral Home

How to Help a Grieving Friend

When a friend or family member passes away, the emotional pain and stress can be debilitating. If you’ve ever experienced this, you know how difficult it can be. When a friend loses someone close to them, naturally you want to be there to support them. Sometimes though, plans with the best intentions don’t always go the way we envisioned.

Remember, you can’t be there to solve all your friend’s problems, but you can comfort them through this uncomfortable situation. For this blog post, we’re going to take a look at how to help a grieving friend.

Here are a few ways to help a grieving friend, and some advice for things you should avoid saying or doing.

Be there to listen

Sometimes people just need someone who will sit with them and listen. One of the best ways to help a grieving friend through a loss is making yourself available when they need to talk. Your friend may want to share stories of their loved one or just talk about how they’re feeling. In either case, it’s important to remember to say less and listen more. As tempting as it can be to want to offer advice, try to just be there to listen and be supportive. Sometimes, the best way to comfort someone is just be there for them.

Offer specific help

When someone experiences a loss, it’s common for others to offer their help. One of the most overused phrases when a death occurs is “if there’s anything you need”. The problem with this though is that it’s just too vague. Offering to help is great. But when it’s left open-ended, it puts the pressure on the bereaved to ask. It can be difficult for some people to ask for help with things, especially when they’re already overrun with grief.

If you really want to be there to help your friend, make sure that your offer is specific. Your friend might be feeling overwhelmed with grief and not really sure how they need you to help. Offering to help doesn’t have to be some grand gesture. Something as simple as taking care of the lawn care or picking the kids up from school can help.

When you offer to help, consider phrasing it as a suggestion. Consider something like, “I drive by the kids’ school on my way home, how about I pick them up for you for the next few weeks” or “The leaves are falling pretty fast, I can come by and rake them up this weekend”.

Create a care package

You may want to consider creating a care package to help a grieving friend. There are several different kinds of items you can include in a grief care package. We often recommend families include toiletries, food, comforting gifts like a candle or blanket, and grief support resources.

For a full guide on creating a care package for someone who is grieving, make sure to check out our Grief Care Package Guide for more information.

What you shouldn’t say to someone who is grieving

When you try to talk to someone who is grieving, it’s important to be careful about what you say or how you say it. Naturally, you want to be there to help comfort a friend and ease their pain. Sometimes though, you end up saying the wrong thing and accidently say something that doesn’t comfort or support the bereaved.
Here is a list of phrases to avoid when talking to someone who has lost someone.
  • They’re in a better place now
  • I know how you feel
  • Everything happens for a reason, it’s all a part of God’s plan
  • Don’t cry, they’re in a better place now
The problem with each of these phrases is that they make assumptions or try to justify that a loved one’s death is actually a positive thing. You need to understand that loss affects everyone differently. Just because you may have experienced a loss in the past, you don’t really know how your friend is feeling. Rather than trying to relate to your friend, you should be there to offer empathy and help them through this difficult time – not tell them how to get through it.
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